My sister is in the hospital right now fighting to keep her daughter inside. Her water broke last night--she's 21 weeks. I haven't allowed myself to cry for her. Every now and then a couple tears fall, but I refuse to cry...because that baby girl is my niece and she WILL make it. Currently, she's not in labor. Currently, there's still plenty of fluid. There's a heartbeat. I refuse to cry for a baby that is still, for all intents and purposes, thriving. There are plenty of stories of women who are put on bedrest and make it to 'viable' stage--including up to 33 weeks!
But my post isn't really about her...it's about online communities. It's about friends and when your friends are suddenly your family. I have never seen a rallying around a person like I am right now. This extremely disparate group of 30 women, some of whom have never met, are doing their damnedest to uplift a mother in need of support.
We 'met' when we were all pregnant with our now-toddlers. They're turning 3 this month and next. It started out as an online message board for women due in April 2010. There were close to 3,000 members the last time I looked at it. Somebody started a daily "chat" thread to get us through the day. It became a necessity--and a it soon became apparent that there were the same few women commenting on it day after day. There are 31 of us that found ourselves in a facebook group. Some we hunted down (I'm looking at you, Abby and Ivet), but most of us joined on our own. We thought it would be nice. We were young (20) and old (43). First time moms, and moms who had been there and back again. Moms of special needs children. Single, married, engaged. Some college educated, some not. Christian, atheist, agnostic. Some working, some not. Military moms, civilian moms. I think we are pretty much as different as you can get, sometimes. But we stuck together. Through divorces, weddings, and separations. More babies. But something we've all come to realize is that we're more than just friends.
We're sisters. We visit each other if and when we can--sometimes schlepping the kids off to grandma's for a long weekend to make it happen--often dragging them with. We speak often of our fantasy commune--where the ones who want will take care of kids and cook--the ones who don't will work or do something else. Where we will have in physical what we have, now, in the spiritual and virtual. Many of us spend less than a day between communication--often less than a few hours. The first people we tell about pregnancies (besides the husband if he's lucky enough to be near when we POAS) are right there--spread across the country.
I think it took me a lot longer to realize that we are sisters than it did some of the others. I grew up with sisters. They suck, sometimes, and other times they're pretty awesome. But sometimes, just sometimes, you get to pick your family. You get to pick the women you call sister. And I NEVER would have thought that I would be holding back tears, fighting in my heart for the baby of a woman I have never met. For a woman who has been there to support me through my PPD/PTSD. A woman who never wavered in her faith in me--even as I was unsure of myself.
I don't believe in a higher being, but I do believe in the power of positive thought. So if anybody reads this...please. For my sister. Will that baby to stay inside just a few more weeks...and will her to have the strength to not give up.
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